Has anyone ever said or done anything
unforgiveable to you? Something so awful
you know you can never forgive them?
Probably this strikes a bell with most of my
readers. It would certainly be rare to find
someone who has never been mistreated,
never misunderstood, never abused in one
way or another. In some cases the abuse
may have been particularly nasty. Something
you would much rather forget, but find you
Does this person deserve your forgiveness?
Probably not. Should you forgive them?
Why do I say this? If they don’t deserve your
forgiveness, why should you forgive them?
Am I trying to turn you into a saint or
No. I am not saying this to make you a
“goody goody”. And I am certainly not
suggesting you should allow anyone to take
advantage of you. So why I am saying it?
The reason is that I believe you deserve to be
free. You deserve to be happy. You deserve
to be able to do whatever you wish in life and
not be weighed down carrying a load dumped
on you by someone else.
If there is anyone you have not forgiven for
what they have done or said to you this
means you are allowing that person to
control your life. You are giving them the
ultimate victory over you. Is that what you
want? If not, you simply have to find a way
to forgive them.
Some of you may now be saying “it’s all very
well for you to say that, but you don’t know
how I have suffered! You cannot understand
just how bad this was!”
I agree I cannot know what it is like to suffer
in the way you may have suffered. To use a
common Christian saying, we each have our
own cross to bear. The one you are bearing
may be far heavier than mine. But even
though I cannot understand just how bad it
was for you, what I do understand is that you
are now carrying an unnecessary burden.
Just like “Christian” in John Bunyan’s
“Pilgrim’s Progress”. Christian was carrying
a burden so heavy he could hardly move. So
are you if there is someone you have not
forgiven. Your happiness is marred because
every so often you think of this unforgiveable
thing that was done to you and it spoils what
would otherwise be a lovely moment in a
lovely day. Why not simply throw that
burden away? It is not stuck to you with
superglue. You have chosen to carry it. Now
you should choose to throw it away.
There may be others who will say “but there
is nobody I haven’t forgiven! Nobody has
done anything particularly bad to me!” If so,
you are very fortunate! But I would suggest
there are probably some slights, some
grievances, some humiliations that your
conscious mind has forgotten but are still
bubbling away somewhere under the surface.
You do not feel desparately unhappy, but
because there are some unforgiven words and
actions loitering in your unconsious mind
what could be a really happy moment is,
instead, just mildly pleasant. These
unforgiven things are stopping you reaching
your full potential. They are controlling you.
Would you like to free yourself of this burden?
The first thing you must do is find all the
actions and words you have not yet forgiven.
Some may be easy to find. Others will be
hiding under the surface. Sit quietly and let
them come to you.
Now, for each unforgiven act or word find the
person. Picture that person in your mind.
Say to them “I forgive you”. At first you will
probably feel silly. But don’t worry about that.
Nobody is watching you. Nobody is laughing
at you. This is something you are doing for
yourself so you can be happier.
As you do this you will find a part of your
mind will tell you that this person does not
deserve your forgiveness. You can
immediately dispel that thought by saying
“they may not deserve it, but I am forgiving
them for me, not for them!” This other part
of your mind may say it was totally wrong of
them to do this to you. Respond by saying “I
am not the one who will judge them for it,
and I am not asking them or anyone else to
do this again to me, I am just letting go so
this act no longer controls me. I forgive!”
If you are a Christian you should remember
the phrase in the Lord’s Prayer “Forgive me
my wrongdoings as I forgive those who have
done wrong to me”? Whether or not you are
a Christian this is a phrase I would like you
to remember and use. When you forgive
others you will find that forgiveness of
yourself comes quite naturally too. But give
it a helping hand anyway. Add your own
wrongdoings now. See them clearly and then
forgive yourself. As long as you have
forgiven others you should find you are now
able to forgive yourself. When you do you
really should find you feel light and bouyant.
You have let go of your burden.
Try to perform this act of forgiveness every
day. I suggest you do it last thing at night
before you go to sleep, as you should find
your sleep will then be that much more
refreshing. Try it, let go, don’t allow anyone
to control you any more and see just how
much difference this makes in your life!
Has anyone ever said or done anything